Monthly Archives: June 2012


Finding A Sub or Dom ?

Finding A Sub or Dom ? It can be frustrating to search, it seems impossible to weed out the vanillas and find the good matches about fellow fetishists. How do you even deal with the frustration?

To inject a bit of optimism, y’know I don’t think this is actually true.

OK, I admit I’ve never really looked for a vanilla partner, so I have no direct comparison, but it seems to me that everyone is ‘fishing in a small pool’. Everyone has requirements in a partner that will restrict their potential ‘pool’, and seeking a submissive IMHO is no more difficult than finding someone with a corresponding taste in music, interest in the same leisure activities, fan of the same team, or whatever else minority interest might be important to you.

Certainly for me, musical compatibility is rarer than sexual/kink compatibility (and nearly as important)

In many ways kinksters have it easier than a lot of other people as there is a very healthy network, both on-line and off, for the shared interest, with many people seeking from both sides of the dynamic (though I do second the advice to go to munches etc real-life and use on-line as a way to contact scene folk in general rather than relying on it to find a potential partner.

BDSM Bondage Humiliation Pain & Torture

Real Dom or True Sub ?

I read the interesting definitions below and got a bit worried.

You see I agreed that most of it was how I view things, and I’d hate to think I was a ‘TRUE Dom’.

I’ve met and read about far too many of those in my 27 years of SM activity, and definitely wouldn’t want to be lumped with them. Thankfully, every single post I have ever seen about ‘TRUE Doms’ and ‘true subs’ has been nothing like my experience, and I am regularly told by people on this internet thing that I am not ‘TRUE’, so all is well…

real dom or true sub
Pictures from Shadow Slaves – Slave Girl Beauvoir

Then this comes along, and I thought OMG, maybe I’ve become one of ‘THEM’! because it described me fairly well, being as it is primarily a list of stuff real people aren’t… but it turns out to be OK after all, thanks to the comments:

Are you a jobless loser

Well, never really considered myself a loser, but I’ve been unemployed for long periods of my adult life in the past (even while having subs! – not true ones of course)

has no car

Nope I don’t own my own car ATM, and didn’t even learn to drive until I was 38

or worse… Married???

Yay! I am safe for life if I can’t be ‘TRUE’ and married. I’ve even been married twice, does that make me doubly false? 🙂

Are you a pussy who is afraid of pain but is more than willing to inflict it???

Yeps, fucking hate pain. Glad masochists don’t experience it the way I do!

So all in all I get to not be a ‘TRUE Dom’ (with the requisite unnecessary capitalisation) again. Business as usual 🙂

kami - real dom or true sub
kami – real dom or true sub at

A REAL Dom or not ?

GENUINE Doms, I know, can evaluate their business, search their souls, realize their weaknesses and then accept and make use of the answers is to be had derived out of this.

LOVE will NEVER cause you to powerless or less Dominating.

A TRUE Dom isn’t going to perfect!!!

A TRUE Dom is simply not just attitude, false pretense, lies, laziness and/or stubbornness.

An AUTHENTIC Dominant is allowed to confess fragility.

A TRUE Dominant is just about strength to tend to and safeguard all those people he treasures.

A REAL Dominant can not be constantly trying to satisfy his pride however has his / her submissives needs in your head to start with, even at the expense of each and every Dominant.

The TRUE Dominant can be quite nurturing and sharing.

The REAL Erotic sadist Can certainly have antagonistic Practical knowledge at all that have impacted their being that they’re determined to understand the best from to be able grow.

A CORRECT master Tend to be prepared to be told and feel what is the toys and implements they could be using recommended to their subs feel as if!!!

A TRUE Dom is permitted to cry (The audience is even allowed to sob if need be).

In case you truly Dom and you are therefore that are fortunate enough to come with a true slave… then TRUST and BELIEVE that up to you is the fact that slave is intact.

TRUE slaves are STRONG and SMART and AMAZING individuals that makes us have picked out who is going to support the TRUE Dom when the Dom can let his guard down and also believe in his slave in the interest of being there so you can use him when he needs.

As a form of TRUE Dom you’ve admit weakness and that you can’t live this lifestyle for yourself… because without a true slave/ what on earth is true Dom??? Nothing

A Dom needs a slavegirl with regard to Dom though I encounter a wide variety of Doms leaping from slavegirl to sub to feed their egotism… those Doms are deflecting their hunt to always be a lot more self aware.

All of us dominant are merely human beings so get rid of the specific pretense in the instant it serves virtually no one.

real dom or true sub
Photos from an Isabel Dean submissive movie at Shadow Slaves