What Is BDSM ?

We have had requests to cover some of the basics of BDSM, S/M, S&M or whatever you wish to call it. Books have been written about these topics, so we highly recommend you venture onwards to libraries, experienced fetish practitioners and more online ressources to find more information … but what we can try and provide now and then are a few of basic pointers and ideas behind the concepts, in this case BDSM itself, as that seems to be the most popular request.

What is BDSM

BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline Saddism and Masochism. It describes a relationship between two consentual partners of a sexual nature. Some features of BDSM include restraint, fantasy role playing using the concepts of power struggle (dominance and submission) and intense sensory stimulation.

Typically, those taking the dominant role in the relationship are termed as the “tops” or “dominants”. Individuals who are on the receiving end of the activities are usually termed the “bottoms” or “submissives”. In some relationships, the roles are reversible. In these cases, individuals involved are known as “switches”.

In conventional romantic relationships, there is an ideal of equality between the two participants. As a result, in modern culture, people often use the words “top” or “bottom” to refer to people in relationships where there is a clear imbalance of power regardless of whether or not it is an actual BDSM relationship. For example: “In Tyrone and Mark’s relationship, Tyrone is the bottom.”

BDSM actions are typically performed during a given time agreed upon by both parties. These may be called “sessions”, a “play” or a “scene”. During this time sexual intercourse (oral, anal or vaginal) may be engaged in. However, this is not always the case. The defining fact or a session would be the actions that they engage in which they derive pleasure from although which are commonly considered undesirable such as humiliation, inflicting pain or being restrained. Again, these practices are performed between consenting adults in order to be considered BDSM. This distinguishes BDSM from domestic violence or sexual assault.

There are two parallel ideologies behind BDSM. One is SSC. The other is RACK. SSC stands for “Safe, sane and consensual”. In SSC, safe practices are established ahead of time. RACK stands for “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. In this method, it is the responsibility of the parties involved to know when it is getting out of hand. Each party is thus responsible for his or her own well-being. The main focus of this type of practice would be consent. A “safe word” may be initiated to create boundaries. A “safe word” is a word that can be said when you feel that you are no longer within the bounds of your own comfort zone. Sometimes a written contract is used to establish consent.

The safe word also makes it possible for the bottom to withdraw his or her consent to the actions being engaged in. Withdrawl of consent by use of a safe word is all that is needed to turn this from a sexual consent situation into a serious crime depending on the relevant law.