Finding a BDSM Partner
Normal people. The vanilla ones. They walk into bars, go into discoteques. They hang out in cafes and they simply mingle where others go. Hell, some even go online to dating sites these days. Either way. These vanilla people have it easy we might think. Looking for a partner means looking anywhere and at anyone at the preferred age and sex.
It can be a little bit different for those into BDSM.
How do you actually find a BDSM partner? You can not exactly go up to the bar and ask the guy there if he wants to tie you up, whip you and have some insanely rough sex. Well you could. But he might fall down from the bar stool. You cant exactly put a notice in the local newspaper classifieds either or gently hint at your perversions over dinner on a blind date.
Digggin Out A BDSM Partner
So, what does a submissive or dominant person do to find a partner?
First of all you can of course chance it. That is to say – find the partner first and see if you can steer them towards your desires or awaken the inner sadist in that lovely guy you picked up at the late night dance. It does actually work sometimes, but of course the odds are relatively slim of succes.
Further, if you live in or near a larger city there is a good chance fellow kinksters meet somehow, somewhere nearby. One of the easiest introductions to your local BDSM scene is through attending a BDSM munch. These are generally held in bars and feature no actual sadomasochistic play of any sort. A BDSM munch is simply a calm little chatty gathering, a gentle introduction to people on the scene.
BDSM Clubs and Play Parties
Beyond the BDSM munches you might be lucky enough to find BDSM societies or groups near you. These tend to be little different from you local bridge club, well except they have probably replaced the card tables with spanking rooms and bondage swings! Oftentimes you can attend an intro night at the local BDSM society, meet the members and get accepted as a member yourself. Such a membership gives you access to the fetish clubs activities, a social circle of perverts and a place for BDSM playtimes if you lack such.
Further, many places sport fetish parties, BDSM clubs or kinky nights. These can be stand alone kinky things in dedicated BDSM facilities or for instance a monthly sadomaso party at the local swingers club. Either way, these tend to be BDSM play parties – but fear not, nobody anywhere would or should force you into playing if you do not wish to. There tends to be a high level of respect and people not respecting the rules of the game gets a quick boot in the ass.
A BDSM Partner Online
In the good old days there might be a kinky magazine coming quarterly that took personals and classifieds. However, the internet has certainly made things a lot easier. You can find an endless number of BDSM dating websites catering to those searching a soulmate, dom or sub, play partner or whatever else.
A word of caution: Remember that the 18-old super masochist Olivia with the great tits and a love for bald 50-yo men might indeed herself be rather old and weird. Setting up fake profiles plagues largely every dating site out there and the kinky ones are no exception sadly. Further, if you meet a real person on these dating sites that you think might suit you – take it slow and use just a bit of caution. Have some nice long chats online, maybe get on Skype video chat, maybe start out with simply a coffee at a cafe or another public place.
All simply to weed out those who are weird in a less than acceptable way. By no means meant to discourage you. Simply use common sense and caution.
Which sites do we recommend for online BDSM dating ? Well first, the same problems, cautions and opportunities apply everywhere. We can recommend you the kinky dating site Alt.com – but simply because it is dedicated to sadomasochists and have tons of perverted people from around the world ready for playing, meeting or dating. But you still have to weed out the fakes, the nutters and the plain annoying!
Good luck out there!
