BDSM BDSM Advice

BDSM Terms and Concepts

  • Abrasion. Using a rough material on the skin
  • Aftercare. Refection time after a BDSM scene or session in which the players calm down, discuss their their personal feelings. BDSM can cause intense emotional and physical experiences. It’s important to discuss all events involved as one comes back to regular life.
  • Anal Torture. Self explanatory
  • Auctioned Off. Auctioning a slave (sub) to the highest bidder (dom).
  • Bad pain. In BDSM, some pain is consensual and some is non-consensual pain. Pain always has a purpose. “Bad pain” is pain which is exceeds one’s limits, non-mutual or non-valued, or out of context in the session. _No pain should result in injury.
  • BDSM Escorts. Pro Dommes and Pro Subs doing BDSM escorting play. For instance try out the Amsterdam Escorts BDSM services
  1. Good Pain refers to pleasant pain, as in an athlete’s soreness after a good workout. Pain can subsequently be emotionally or physically satisfying and relaxing
  • BDSM.Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism or any variance thereof.acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene.
  • Black Sheet Party: A BDSM Orgy
  • Bondage. Restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part.
  • Bottom. A person who receives physical sensation from a top. They would rather receive than give.
  • Breast Bondage.Tying the breasts so they are either flat or bulging.
  • Breath Control: A dom controlling the sub’s breathing.
  • Butt Plug. A dildo, (vibrating or non-vibrating) shaped and intended for the ass. Butt Plugs have a flared end to prevent them from being lost inside the anal cavity. They are sold in a variety of shapes and sizes
  • Chastity. A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial. A person is denied access to sexual stimulation of their genitals and controlled via lock.
  • Cock and ball torture (CBT). Male genital torture for sexual gratification.
  • Collared: A slave or submissive or who is owned, usually often by a loving dom.
  • Collaring. The formal acceptance or commitment by a dominant, of a sub’s service, or the “ownership” of a pup by a Master or Trainer.
  • Consent  Mutual agreement to the terms of a session or scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.
  • Consensual Non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent is given with predetermined actions thoroughly understood. Even if, for example, the Sub might be yelling “NO!” and the Dom continuing the “protested” action. The “contract” shows trust and understanding and should be undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities. Please understand “Safe Word” before undertaking aforementioned.
  • Contract. A written agreement between the dominant & submissive which includes the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries of a relationship for a specific period of time, agreed upon by both parties. Non-legal.
  • DM.  Dungeon Monitor. A person who supervises and presides over a play party or dungeons to enforce the rules.
  • Dom. A person who exercises control
  • Dominant. A person who exercises control – contrasted with submissive
  • Domme. A woman who exercises control
  • D/s. Dominance/submission: A relationship that involves an erotic power exchange.
  • Dungeon. A room, preferably low under ground, high up or far enough away from others to imply less chance of being heard or escaping. A dungeon would normally includes BDSM equipment
  • Edgeplay. Risky BDSM play. Where there exists a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. What constitutes Edgleplay is subjective considering what’s being played with and who’s playing it. For example: A gun carries far greater risk in general and specifically greater risk dependent upon who is wielding it.
  • Endorphin Rush. Practitioners of BDSM often experience endorphin rushes. Endorphins are chemicals in the brain known as neurotransmitters. They transmit electrical signals in the nervous system. There are more than 20 types of endorphins in human beings. Stress and pain are the leading stimuli leading to the release of endorphins. Endorphins interact with the opiate receptors in the brain to reduce our perception of pain and act similarly to drugs like morphine
  • Erotic Sexual Denial. Sexual arousal through delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings. A continual state of anticipatory tension, inner conflict, mixed feelings and heightened sensitivity.
  • Erotic Spanking: Sexual arousal through spanking by the giver and/or the receiver.
  • Fetish. A general term which encompasses any of the obsessions with a part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.
  • Fire play. Using fire in BDSM.For example: Lighting flash cotton on the skin.
  • Genitorture: Genital torture.
  • Good Pain. Refers to pleasant pain, as in an athlete’s soreness after a good workout. Pain can subsequently be emotionally or physically satisfying and relaxing. In BDSM, some pain is consensual and some is non-consensual pain. Pain always has a purpose. “Bad pain” is pain which is exceeds one’s limits, non-mutual or non-valued, or out of context in the session. No pain should ever result in injury.
  • Golden Showers. Pissing on another or being pissed upon.
  • Gorean. A sub-genre of BDSM based upon the rituals and practices within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman.
  • Handkerchief Codes. Colorful, visual signs signalling your area of BDSM interest. For example: a color worn on the left indicates “top”, on the right indicates “bottom”.
  • Hard limits: What you won’t non-negotiable.
  • Harem. A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
  • Impact Play. As part of sensation play, including impact by hands, whips, paddles and floggers, etc.
  • Limits: What you will or will not do
  • Masochism: The act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
  • Masochist. A Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
  • Master/Slave: A consensual relationship between a controller (the Master) authorized by the slave for mutual benefit. Often involves a 24/7 relationship. A collar from the Master is often given to show ownership.
  • Mummification. Wrapping the body in multiple layers of tight, thin plastic (like Saran Wrap) Safety issues include: Breathing and body temperature. Mummification participants enjoy the feeling of total bodily helplessness.
  • Munch: BDSM groups who meet at “vanilla” places in normal everyday attire. For example they might advertise meetings using announcements like “This weekend’s Munch is at Starbucks Coffee”.
  • Needle Play: A scene involving piercings with sterile needles.Temporarily for length of scene.
  • Nose Torture: A Japanese form of BDSM involving hooks in the nose.
  • Nyotaimori.  Human sushi platters.
  • OTK: Spanking over the knee.
  • Painslut. A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting
  • Play Party: A BDSM party with many scenes.
  • ProDom: Male professional dominant. For hire $$$.
  • ProDomme. Female professional dominant. For hire $$$.
  • Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub dressing like a Pony with an anal plug and tail.Involves both wardrobe and behavior.
  • Pup Play: A Sub is made to act like a puppy. Pub Play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master.
  • RACK. Risk Aware Consensual Kink
  • Rape Fantasy, Ravishment. The fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape. Meant to experience pleasure, not pain.
  • Sadism.Infliction of pain upon others.
  • Sadist. A Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexual pain.
  • Safe, Sane and Consensual. (SSC) a mantra used by BDSM practitioners to determine the appropriateness of BDSM play.
  • Safeword. Extremely important in BDSM: A codeword used by the bottom to STOP all activity. A codeword must be understood and consented to be used by the Top or Dom before any scene or session.
  • Scene. Often referred to as a “session”. A specific period of time allotted for BDSM activities.
  • Sensation play. Pushing one’s sensory limits. For example: Sensory deprivation, whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.
  • Service-Oriented submission: A Sub who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or other manner.
  • Slave. A sub who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master)
  • Soft Limits. The limits of someone who is hesitant or nervous to try but negotiable.
  • Subdrop. A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a sub after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
  • Submissive. AKA “Sub”. A Person who gives up control all the time or for a specified period (Not the same as “bottom” or “slave.”)
  • Subspace. A “natural high” that a sub (or bottom) experiences from being controlled.
  • Switch: A person who enjoys both top / bottom and dom / sub.
  • Taken in Hand. All encompassing male dominance in any type of monogamous marriage.
  • Tease and Denial: Arousal by delaying or preventing resolution of feelings or orgasm. A continued state of anticipatory tension producing greater payoff as a result.
  • Tit Torture. Causing physical pain to the breasts and nipples.
  • TNG. The Next Generation. A tag used by groups, sites etc which cater to the younger BDSM generation. Ages 18–35.
  • Top.  The person performing actions on the receiver. Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who “puts the scene together”.
  • Topping from the bottom. A bottom who claims to be submissive but who proceeds to direct the top.
  • TPE Total Power Exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority over the sub’s entire life, making the majority of decisions.
  • Training. Referring to a specified period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
  • 24/7. A BDSM relationship which follows the rules everday
  • Vanilla. A person NOT into BDSM. Often used derogatorily.
  • Warm up.  The beginning of a BDSM scene which involves gentle play, allowing both the dom and sub to enter their psychological and physiological changes to accommodate more intense play.
  • WIITWD. What it is that we do. An acronym referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.
  • Wax Play. Dripping hot wax on your partner